Why Non-monogamy is Dangerous
It’s not dangerous for the reasons you might think:
–It’s not dangerous because you are more likely to “lose” your partner.
–It’s not dangerous because it’s bad for your kids. (quite the opposite–polyamorous families report MORE parental time with children)
–It’s not dangerous because of all the immature people trying to use polyamory as a coverup for their commitment issues (those exist everywhere, especially in single mono dating pools).
Here’s why it’s dangerous:
IT’S VERY DIFFICULT TO HIDE IN A NONMONOGAMOUS DYNAMIC.
All of your shit will come up. The lies you’ve told (or are telling) to yourself or others. The chinks in your armor will be exposed.
You can’t rely on being coddled. You can’t keep telling the stories about how people “can’t meet you.”
Anything that is NOT truth will be stripped away and you’ll have to face yourself as you really are.
It requires full self-responsibility or your relationship WILL blow up, and quickly.
It requires good s*xual health protocols (if you’re s*xually nonmono, which not all nonmono people are).
It requires true self-confidence and belief in one’s own value. If you’re sourcing your value from your partner, that will be exposed QUICKLY.
You can try to blame the relationship structure for any failures or betrayals. If you experience pain or loss you can try to point the finger at your partner, your metamours, or what-have-you, but at the end of the day the truth remains:
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE.
I had a big wake-up call when my marriage tanked 7 years ago. I wanted anyone but me to take responsibility. I made some really good cases for it, too.
The truth is: if you’re not creating good relationships in your life, that’s a puzzle no one but you can solve. Regardless of the structure of them.
If you’re interested in diving in to your patterns in relationship and figure out your own unique love configuration, we’re offering 15 minute chats with the link in the comments.
Take responsibility for your life, your relationship(s) and your patterns. We’d love to dive into this with you.